Let's start at the top.
There are some things you tell your kids and some things you ask. Telling makes it affirmative. Asking makes it optional. Coddling comes from the latter–and parents who coddle their kids incessantly are entirely insufferable.So, we're starting off with how asking your children is actually coddling. Real parents - parents who want their children to succeed and be good adults - order their children around rather than asking them. That's a way to get an independent thinker!
My mind: Okay are you stupid? The proper thing to say is, “Hey Buddy, give it back.” You don’t ask if he . Of course he But chances aren’t he . Clearly your kid is not responding to your passive parenting. Duh.Parent mode: I have never, ever given an "order" that my child ignored.
Oh wait, no. That happens. All the time. This man ordering his child to give the truck back wouldn't have magically made him do the right thing; it would just be a way for his child to be defiant rather than simply take one of two options given. And we all know: teaching children that defiance is the norm is totally cool.
At this point, we are approaching 45 seconds, maybe a minute. I’m done.Oh no! A whole minute of time! What will your child, or you, do with this amount of time stolen from you by this insolent, coddled child?
As a stay at home parent, I know that minutes count. Every minute of my day is codified into -
- wait, no. That's stupid. Spending a few minutes learning that other human beings sometimes will not do the thing we want, right this second, is actually valuable time. Learning effective ways to deal with that is something humans do.
I kneel down and physically take the car from precious little Sean’s hands, while saying, “We are going to give that back now.” I hand it to Emmett and we resume playing. I’m furious though.I'm glad we're teaching our children that when we have a problem, momma will swoop in and solve it for them. That's building a generation of responsible, confident, assertive adults that way.
Do you see how ridiculous this scenario is? We have become a culture of coddlers. So many parents take the path of least resistance when it comes to child rearing. Your kids are acting up? Hand them your phone. Your kid doesn’t want to share their pile of French fries (on a playdate)? Have the other parent order a new batch, even though that kid will never finish his. It’s ludicrous....and instead we want to teach our children, by our example, that being impatient and letting mom or dad remove every problem is the way to go.
I will post the next scenario in its entiredy:
Two days later, at a different playground, Fia and Emmett climbed up to a double slide. The kind where you can sit side-by-side. One slide was empty; the other had a little girl around 18 months on it. Fia sat down on the empty one next to her.I want this to hang in the air here. A child was sitting on a slide for a couple minutes, ruining her childrens' (adorable) plans for a whole...2 minutes?
“Come on Emmett, slide next to me,” she said.
“He will Fia, we just have to let this little girl go down first,” I explained.
I look at the father who looks at his daughter.
“What do you think sweetie? Do you want to go down?” he asks.
Silence. More silence.
Emmett is on the top, once again, waiting patiently.
“Hmmm honey? What do you think?” he asks. Again.
My mind: Are you f–king kidding me?Silence again. More silence. And more.
Fia: “Mom, when can Emmett come with me?”
Me: “When this little girl goes down. What do you think?” I say, turning to the little girl.
Blank stare from girl while I fantasize about shoving her father off of the nearby jungle gyms.
I turn to the father: “Is she going to go down the slide?”
Father: “I’m not sure. I think she just wants to sit here.”
Me=dumbfounded. Speechless. Um, okay, so you are going to let her monopolize the slide? Are you an ape? What are you trying to teach your kid? And what about my kid who actually wants to use the slide your daughter is meditating on.
Look, lady. I'm a parent too. I know that two minutes get shat down the drain - literally, in many cases - all day long. The time isn't a big deal. The kid can sit there and warm up to idea of going down the slide on her own, and your children will not die because they can't both go down the slide together right now.
This woman is livid because a little girl didn't want to go down a slide, and her father didn't physically remove her from the slide. I guess choke-slamming her down the slide would have been acceptable too.
I can’t believe I didn’t say something directly to him. I should have. Instead I told Fia to go on down her slide and that we will find another place where she and Emmett can do something together. I said it loudly but that’s not good enough. I should have told him his behavior and “parenting” was inexcusable.I think maybe you not saying something was a nascent instinct to not completely embarrass yourself in front of another grown-ass adult. Proving that class and politeness was not firmly ingrained in you, though, you modeled passive-aggressive rudeness to your children. Great job, lady; when someone pisses you off, the proper answer is to make an oblique, sarcastic comment at them. You're raising great kids. I want you to raise my kid!
No, I don't.
Parenting is not easy. So if you sign up, then do the f–king work it entails to not produce overly whiny, cowardly, and/or bratty kids who aren’t taught the basic etiquette of society.So...is the irony lost on anyone here? Let's go over it.
- Overly whiny: This entire blog post is one gigantic whine to the entire internet.
- Cowardly: Like when you went to that parent you thought was being rude to you and spoke up about it, right? Oh wait no, you went home and typed up a nasty blog post about them instead. That's super brave.
- Bratty: Does it strike anyone else as bratty to want all the toys and all the playground equipment to be available to them right now because I want it?
Bottom line: It’s not Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. It’s: You Tell, Don’t Ask. Got it?Lady, when did this blog post start being about military strategy about how to handle homosexuals in the army? Are you trying to be clever? Because you're failing.
And no, I don't got it. I don't take advice from stupid, cowardly brats.
Also, I laughed and laughed and laughed at this:
The helicopter needs to crash and we need to press the restart button on proper parenting.
OK, all done. She's an a-hole, right?
No. She's not.
In reality, "fearless feisty momma" is just another mom. She was probably woken up at oh-dark-thirty for some reason or another, took care of her kids, went back to bed and got woken up at 0530 to start the day. Had to do all sorts of things and was in a shitty mood when the above incidents happened.
I've been in this mood before. Sometimes I am having my coffee and I am at the park and I want to shank the first person to get in my way. I'm sure FFM is just another parent having a rough day (or rough week, or rough month - yes we've all had them) and needed to blow off some steam.
One thing I think is absolutely, absolutely horrible though is to be critical and nitpicky of another parent. It's rude. As a professional courtesy, and as someone who has had my share of hard days, I try to extend understanding and gentleness. FFM is not a bad momma. I'm fairly certain, in fact, that she's a loving and caring person and is doing her best to raise responsible adults. I think she misspoke here though, and was incredibly rude to some strangers because their parenting style is a little different from her's.
That's not okay, and she should stop.